How I Loathe Julienne

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A recipe I was making today called for julienned carrots. I recalled that I had an ancient mandolin tucked away somewhere that might do the job, so I gamely prepped and peeled 6 carrots. I discovered, with some horror, that my particular mandolin did not in fact have a julienne blade. I attempted to julienne one carrot by hand, but decided I had not the will to proceed. I was forced to the food processor, whose instruction manual cruelly persuaded:

"Process the food twice – ‘double slice’ it. Insert large fruits or vegetables (potatoes, turnips, zucchini, apples) in the feed tube horizontally. Apply pressure to the pusher while pressing the PULSE button until the food is sliced. You will get long slices.

Remove the slices from the work bowl and reassemble. Reinsert them in the feed tube, wedging them in tightly. Slice them again. You will obtain long julienne strips."

As if it were such a neat process! I did step one, but because of the irregular nature of carrots, all manner of carrot innards splattered about. Still, some of the desired long, flat slices were produced. But the second step, "reassemble and reinsert" quickly revealed its ridiculousness. I decided packing the carrots into the feeding tube in said manner was more that a person could successfully accomplish, and that my current slices were imperiled by this potential (and irreversible) step. So instead I just finished the job my hand.

The manual had this one further note to make:

"With the optional Square Julienne Disc, you can make square julienne strips in one operation."

Ah, yes, the optional julienne disc.

To add insult to injury, I found this YouTube video on the web of an industrial food processor making julienned carrots. Salivate! Salivate!


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